I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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