So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
