My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
