My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
