Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
