Apparently you make a good broom.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
