Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
