I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
