i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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