I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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