I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
