none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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