Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
