as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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