Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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