Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
