Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
