You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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