remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
