Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
