I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
