I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
