I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
