Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
