I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
