ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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