therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
