Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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