If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
