so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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