I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
