I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
