doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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