I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
