But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
