Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
