i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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