Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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