I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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