Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
