How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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