Having a random hookup so left but love u
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
