It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
