i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
