I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
