just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
