the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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