i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
