woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
