that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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