I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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