that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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