Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
