dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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