Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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