my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want her autograph on my taint
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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