I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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