what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.