he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
