DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize