Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio