3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
