I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so much tequila, so little girl.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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