Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out