About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?