Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."