i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!