i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
