Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
