the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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