walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
