I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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