it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
